Ok... I'm back now. The big woman doesn't know where I am. She went to bed really late and left the machine on. I can try to finish my story.
So as it seemed, I toppled out through the hole. It was tough at first because my hind legs got a little stuck. I sort of fell out onto this cold rusty metal thing I think they use to get out in case of a problem. It wasn't far from the ground, but I almost got my paws stuck in the spaces of this thing. I regained my self and stood on this cold hard metal. It was a little rough on my soft paws. Then I stopped and realized... I was out! Free! Wow. This was a different world out here. No warm things to lay on. No big black soft place to sleep. But it was...different.
I looked up and saw bright white twinkly things in the air. I saw the green things the birds live in. I saw a few of those noisy things the big people roll away in, but they were empty and quiet.
I looked around more. Not sure of what to do next. My heart started to beat faster with excitement. Bey looked at me and smiled. "Welcome to my world, Mr. Claude" he said. He was purring with delight. I thanked him and jumped down.
"So now what will you do with this new found freedom?" He asked. I told him I didn't know. I asked him what do kitties do out here in this big world outside. He told me that we hunt for food and find nice places in the sun to sleep during the day and warm dark places at night. I thought to myself that that was no different than what I do now.
I sniffed the air. It was different out here. That strange smoke the big people let out of their mouths when they set fire to those little white sticks was gone. Don't they realize that that makes their breath stink bad when I'm trying to sniff their mouths to see what they ate that they wouldn't share with me?
So anyway... I jump down to the ground. It's cold. It's gritty. It's even rougher on my paws. Already I can see I'm not liking this at all! It hurts when I land on it. "OW! OW! OW! OW!!!!! This is painful!" I yell to Bey. Laughing, he recommends I follow him into the dark area under the low scrunches of green things through the metal type barrier.
So we run and my putties really hurt! That was NOT what I was expecting. All the time, Bey is laughing at me as we run into the dark park. I do not go outside and I'm not really sure I'm happy here. "You'll love it out here... Trust me!" Bey tells me.
The grass is softer than the hard gritty ground, but there are things that poke my toodies. Stick like things... This isn't at all like the soft fuzzy stuff on the ground in the house. I think, while I'm evaluating the outside world, I will suck it up and continue to be the big cat out here. Bey is younger than me and thinks I'm a spoiled old housecat. He is a giggler and spends allot of time giggling at me.
We ran allot. It was kind of fun to play tag with him. I never had a playmate before. My stupid humans don't let me get out to meet anyone. I stopped to lick myself because I am a habitual licker and can't get enough of cleaning myself. You can never be too clean you know.
Bey walks up to me and says,, "what's with all the bathing? This is PLAY time! Not BATH time. This is the outside world! You'll just get dirty again... C'mon back and play with me!"
"Oh really, I have to bathe. I mean...how can you not? Look at you..." I say to Bey and he looks at himself, staring down at his paws. Bey takes on a look that seems long in the tooth. "Your fur should be as bright as mine, yet yours is dingy. You look like you fell in the pile of dirty used smoke sticks that end up on the ground after I've knocked them off the table in those silly containers with the cut outs on them. Boy! You should hear them scream when I do that! Especially if a smoke stick is still smoking!" I laughed as I said that. I remember the dance the big dark man does when I do that. But I end up with the result I want. He chases me out of the room and we end up playing. That's all I want is play.
Off in the distance I can her her. The big woman. She is screaming my name! She must have woken up! Boy...she sure does sound sore. I said "It's my human! I should go." Bey replies with a kittenish response of "What if I don't want you to go? Do you even know how to get back to that house? Meeeow-ha ha ha ha haaaaAAAA!!!" was his insidious laugh.
I opened my mouth and my eyes opened wide and I'm sure I had a silly look on my face as I did when I realized... I didn't know where I was!! I was.....LOST!
"Take me back to the house little Bey... Or we'll have to fight!" I hissed. Bey looked at me and laughed. "Fight?!?!? HAHAHAHAHA! You're an indoor cat. You can't fight."
"Oh yea?" I replied and I arched up my back, hissed and bared my teeth.
"Yea." Bey said as he hissed back at me. "...and you know why you need to shut up and back down?" He asked.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because I have something you DON'T have...." He hissed back coolly.
"What's that?" I ask again.
"these." he replies as he raises his rather oversized paws for his body and flashes 5 razor sharp claws. I instinctively go to detract mine when suddenly I realize.....
Well remember in the beginning of the story when I told you that "I am an amputee"? Really inappropriate time to be reminded of that now.
I looked at Bey and said, "Ok...we won't fight. Let's just talk about this like cats and not kittens, shall we?"
Bey retracted his claws and said, "Ok... Fine. What's to talk about? I think I'm doing you a favor. I'm showing you the life that cats should have. The life we were bred for...not to be some prissy pussy in the house."
I asked Bey, that id it was so good out here, who does he climb into at night when he wants a warm body? He couldn't answer that. I asked who he rubs against to get food whenever he wants? He couldn't answer that either. I asked who he goes to to get pets on the head when he's in the mood? He STILL couldn't answer. So tell me again what's so great about this freedom?
Bey went quite and he seemed to concede on that one. He looked depressed. We could hear the calling of my name stop in the distance... It seemed we had a ways to go to get back to my home.
Uh oh! She's up! I have to save this Blog and go now! I'll be back again with the rest of the story soon!
Ciao Meow!!
Hi! I'm Claude the Cat. This is my first really long entry since I don't have opposable thumbs. It's hard to type on your human keyboards with paws. I translated this to human speak so you could read this.
The other day, I was having my usual day... Sleeping... Eating... Playing...Making pee and poo... Snuggling my humans and staring out of windows. I've never been much of an outdoor cat. But once in a while... I get that urge. That urge to be free and roam with the wild cats outside. I feel I'm no longer equipped for such, being I am an amputee. When I was younger I had these long pretty nails. Then one day they put me in a blue box and took me to that place with the cold table. Later, after I woke up, feeling veeeeerrrry content with myself...I noticed I was missing my lovely nails! Now we aren't talking a trip to a salon for a pedicure either. They were MISSING! Some butcher took them out of my paws! I curse them with many kitty curses.
Ok.. I digressed.
The last few months I've been watching my humans get all gushy over this other cat that looks like me. He lives outside. They bring him food regularly and they talk to him through the window and sometimes I do too. Lately, they've taken valuable ME time and given some of it to spending time with HIM!
In the big mans dark place where he sleeps on this big soft black thing, there is a window where the outside cat and I can see each other. We are only separated by some hard clear stuff, that could really use a cleaning. I sit on the machine that sometimes makes noise and blows cold air. One day I saw they had a thin piece of something next to the noisy machine. I had seen the big man bend it open and put his hand outside and onto the outside cat.
I'm not sure I liked that idea. I only like it when they put their hand s on me. Why they needed to touch this dirty cat, I don't know. His fur is dirty and he looks young and stupid. They can't POSSIBLY think he is better looking than I.
So let me get back to this one particular day. The big man was not in the house, the big woman was in another room sleeping. I highly recommend these cat naps. While she was asleep, I heard that outside cat call again. He was on the outside, standing on the noisy cold air machine. I decided to try and say hello to him. I shall tell you of our conversation, translated from mreowr, the cat language.
"Hello again. My name is Claude. I don't believe I got your name before."
"I am called Bey"
Claude:"Nice to meet you Bey. I've seen you out and about before."
Bey:"Yes...your humans are very nice people. They bring me food, and recently I have let them put their hands on me as a reward."
Claude:"I've noticed. However, I'm not entirely sure I am happy with that idea."
Bey: "It's alright. I need my freedom to roam which is far more important than acquiring your humans."
Claude:"Well...I hope so, Bey, I truly do. Tell me....what is it LIKE out there, this...Freedom you speak of"?
Bey: "You don't know what freedom is? Have you ever even BEEN outside here alone?"
Claude: "Alone? Golly no! Why would I ? I see all types of big mean things scary things in the darkness, like those big animals with the masks and the others with the stripes that smell bad."
Bey: "Oh, the raccoons and skunks you mean. Tell me, do you think you could find a way out? I'd like to show you a few things of my world outside"
Claude: "Oh I don't know.... The big people don't seem to like it when I try to see the outside. I may get in trouble and then they scream at me."
Bey: " You're a cat! Do you think we as cats care what others think besides ourselves? Besides...We've been here quite a while, I see no one upset that you are here talking to me."
Claude: "Hmmm.... I suppose you are correct. Let's see... If I pull on this brown stuff... No...maybe push... Oh I don't knoooooooow!"
The hard thing fell outward a little at this time.
Bey: "NOW you're getting it! C'mon! Climb through! I want to show you my world!"
Claude: "Hmmm....I'm sure I should be able to come back through when I'm done... Alright! Here I come!!"
Well, that's how my adventure started... I'll return to tell you the rest. Time for me to go knock things off table tops for now.