June 29, 2005
Bed Claiming 102
Continuing my courses in Cat Empowerment, I have expanded my lecture on the issue first touched upon in Bed Claiming 101. To further pronounce the territorial importance of the sleeping unit, it is paramount to place and maintain claim of the bedded platform at all stages of its makeup and setting.
Step 1: Make sure that the slave removes all bed sheets and blankets once a week. While this is taking place, keep yourself well in sight and issue commands in a clear gutteral yowl to ensure that it is done correctly.
Step 2: When new covers are being placed upon the padded platform, keep a close eye on the progression of the work. Don't be afraid to get right up in the middle of the project and hold it up as long as necessary to ensure that it is done correctly. I have found that the best means of this is to take a nice nap on each sheet as it is placed.
Step 3: Now it has been my experience that the human slave will become most troubled by your inspection methods at this point and will begin a campaign of verbal barratement and threats of smothering under blankets. Let me assure you, it is all just hot air. Sometimes what is said can be most hurtful, don't feel the slightest concerned about it, just sleep it off. The human can wait.
Step 4: As each sheet slowly makes its way onto the sleeping unit, do not be kittenish about the human's failings in achieving perfection in the setting of each layer. Point out each mistake clearly with profound disdain and disgust, expecting immediate correction.
Step 5: At the end of this trying and exhausting job, you will find that your bed is quite well made and ready for a good long nap. It is of the utmost importance that you do not ever thank the human slave for doing their expected duty... one never thanks the help. Turn your back to them and sleep away.
Posted to Feline Graces