I saw Sil agin taday. She sed she wanned to ask me sum questins. She sed git all ralaxed and close my eyes an answer them honistlee. First she askt if I liked bein touched by peepul an I sed no, cuz it makes me feel wierd. I sed there were a few exsepshons, but usually I dun like peepul touchin me. I sed I feel like I git my ugly on them...or mebbe I sed I got them dirty. I dunno. I kinna ramember eczactlee what I sed.
Then she askd me to imagin that I was all happy. Then to look at myself an see how I was. I saw myself and I wasn't purty exzactlee, but I was more like a girl. My hair was long and straight and smooth, not all kinky and stickin out all over my head. I had a pretty red dress that fit me and wasn't fallin off my shoulders or too short. I lookd purty, kinda like a girl, insteadah like me. I saw myself with a tall handsim husbind who smiled at me and held my hand and who I dint haftah look down on to see his face. He kissd my forehead and held the hand of our lil boy who was tall and strong and smart like him. I held the hand of our other lil boy who had eyes like my mum. I was veree happy in my mind.
But, I dun think a man like that is real, at leest not for me. Handsim men want purty wemmin who are smart and can sew and cook and do all the good things wemmin should be able to do. My mum tryd real hard to teech me, but I have fergottin lots..well, most of it. I'm gunna be a horrible wife, or worse, an old maid. Then I'll never have babees.
I try real hard tho. I wish I was good anuff, like Sil or Sky or Ell or Mir-a.
Posted by Tzoli at October 22, 2004 03:16 PM