Tzoli's Red Leather Journal

Hunger and the Need to Kill

I was going to kill that woman. I reelize that now. I do not think I had no intenshin of talking to her attall. I was going to smash my littal, well, not so littal, hammer into her face and watch it go splat. Meandrah, I think that is wat Hemo calld her.

She wantid to becom a monstar. There is only one thing in thah hole world I think are monstars and that is Vek. There is only one type of persin I think is trulee eval and that is Vek. Eval is not a word I use litely, but with them, I use the word. The nitemares linger on inside me evin tho I want to fergit them. Evin tho I don't got no new ones. They are there and I still feel the pain of them and the feer of them and the total hatrid and angar frum them. I still want to kill those dirty stinky Veks and I reelized, I was not gunna try to talk her out of bacoming one, I was just gunna smash her stupid face in with my hammar.

She ran away. Me and Hemo ran aftar her, searching and looking. We ran but we coud not find her. If I see her agin, I will not wait I dont think. If I see her agin, I will turn her hed into a puddal on the ground and draw Balor's symbal on her hart bafer I sacrafiss her body to him. Wanting to become a monstar, it is... insane, crazy, ignerint.

The thing that scard me most was the need inside of me to kill her. It was the first thing I reelee wantid to do in a long time. I wantid to kill her and sacrafiss her heethin body to Balor. I needid to kill her. I needid it like I need to breeth. I wantid to rain holy rage on her, the same way I put it down on the othar man who sed bad things abot Balor. Is my rage holy? Or is that just my feeling on it? I am scared of myself, the need to be angry and to kill is like a hungar. It fills me up and I do not no if I can hold it all in and wait for my rage to come out in a good way.

I pray evaryday for Balor to guide me. Evary breth I take is like a prayer to Him. Wen Sehki castid his spell on me, I saw all the clowds in my hed go away. I saw things cleer fer a wile. I saw that I wantid to be a holy warrior. I wantid to teech othars to be the same so I coud bild Balor an army agin. The spell went away and all the fog rolled bak ovar my ideas and I lost most of them, but those to thots stayd with me. I do not no if I wantid to leed that army, I think mebbe in that momint of cleerniss I did. I do not ramembar, the fog has takin away all the things that put one thot on the next and my mind is a jumbal agin. I want...

I want to clowds to part agin. I want to bild His Army. I want to take out my rage and my angar on sumone and kill them. I want....

I want to be strong for Balor and make him a holy War. I just do not no how to start. All I ramembar is that I need an army. An army of one nevar did no one any good.

Posted by Tzoli at April 17, 2005 09:35 AM