Sister. That is wat I am. A big sister. Evaryone loves me like a sister. I shoud be happy wen I heer that. But it hurts. It cuts me up inside. Sehki, Hemo, Bjar. They say they love me like a sister. It hurts evarytime I hear that. Like anuthur needal poking in me.
Why kinna they just love me? Is it that hard? Am I not good anuff to just love?
Melchior, he loved just to love. He gave me calm and peece. Ther was no 'like' on the end of it. He did not love me 'like a dryth'. He jus gave me wat he gave me with nothin on it. It just was. Balor, I wundar sumtimes if he loves me also. He duz not add nuthing to the things he gives me. no 'likes' on the end of anathing.
Mor and mor I reelize I jus want Balor to love me. I want him to no me. I pray evary day. I pray so hard to find wat he wants frum me. I try to make my hart silint and still, but I am not strong anuff to do that. I am pulled forward by it all the time. Sumtimes I think I do not act'lee think. I just feel and call it thinking. I no I am controlled by my anger and my hattrid and my jelissee and by my joy and warm feelings. I know they control me. I can not help it.
If I had no hart, I woud be nothing. I woud be evin stupider then I am now.
Balor give me strength. Balor, give me Your love. I woud rip my own hart out of my body fer You.
Balor Guide me, Melchior Fergive me.
Posted by Tzoli at June 12, 2005 03:31 PMqawn1successmfitw!
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