I've spent lots of time in the hospatal praying, but I think mebbe I am more wining then praying. I need to stop that. I think mebbe sum things I am not saposed to no attall.
Why did Melchior save me?
-I do not no.
Duz it mattar?
-No, problee not.
Why did Melchior save me and not Balor? (Sehki asked me that.)
-I do not no. I think becuz death in battal is Balor's relm and if I was to die, I was redde to go. I sed my propar prayers and I was redde. But, if I was redde to go, why did Melchior save me? Duz He need me fer sumthing? Or did Balor work thru him to save me?
I hate wen questins leed to mor questins. I am not smart enuff to answer all thees things in my hed. I do not evin no why I think of thees questins. Mebbe I am not thinking them. Mebbe I am feeling them.
I have dasidid not to think abot it no mor. It duz not mattar. Wat is dun is dun. Wat has happind is Fate. I will not questin it. If Melchior wants to tell me why He saved me, He will. If not, then I can only thank Him. I can only thank Him and Balor for sharing my Fate between them.
Sehki told me he loved me. I do not no wat he ment. Did he meen like a sistar like Bjar? Did he meen like a frend? Wat did he meen? It hurt me worse then my belly did wen he sed that becuz I think he did not meen it in the way love shold be ment. My hed is spinning still frum the bump on it. Mebbe that is why evarything is a questin latlee.
I hate thees questins. I hate the need I have to rite them down. I hate not nowing any ansurs. I hate that I wine abot thing so much evin if it only to myself or to the Gods.
Posted by Tzoli at June 27, 2005 12:58 PM