Tzoli's Red Leather Journal

Confused

I do not undarstand the Gods. They tell me one thing, then tell me somehing diffrint latar. I do not undarstand attall. I am stupid and dum. I got angry at aubren fer sumthin I shoud not have gottin angry ovar. I got angry cuz he asked me if it was bettar to be alone. I do not no why it made me so mad this time. I do not no. I shoud not have. I just felt so hurt inside. I felt hurt and brokin. Most of the time I woud have made a joke and laffd abot it. I woud have just shrugged it off, but this time it hurt me. It hurt me allot.

I ran away. I ran away frum all the assumpshins peepul make abot me. I ran away and tryd to cry but I coud not cry. No tears woud come. Wat is rong with me latlee? Evarything hurt me so much. Bjar telling me to be famlee, Aubren just asking a questin. Sehki.. Wat is rong with me? It is not like me.

The Gods came to me and told me it was my falt I was alone. I do not undarstand. Melchior did not want me with Rylian. And Balor showed me being alone. Fate has not brot no one to me. It has only takin away frum me. I liked James but he went away. I do not think I loved him. I do not think I've loved no one sinss Rylian. If I was not sapposed to be alone woudnt Balor have brot me sumone? Woudnt He have showed me sumone? Woudnt He have not showed me being alone?

Mebbe I am just to stupid to undarstand wat the Gods show me. Problee I am to dum. Melchior told me to be honist, so I am always honist. Balor showed me being alone and fighting, so I am alone and fighting. Melchior told me to pertekt the othar Dryths so I pertekt them. I just do wat I am told. Am I doing it rong? Am I?

I do not undarstand. I do not undarstand attall.

I hate being stupid. If I was smart like Missus Venice, I woud no wat they meen. Or if I was smart like Bjar I woud no. I can onlee take it all at face valu. Is that the rong way to take things?

Posted by Tzoli at July 4, 2005 11:13 AM