Tzoli's Red Leather Journal

13 - The End of Spring, Melday

Why is it bak home evaryone calld me a monstar but no one here thinks I am? I do not undarstand it attall. I think it is becuz I smile mor then othar peepul. Becuz I am honist. I do not no.

I have not bin sleeping or eeting sinss the prayar circle. I have not bin tired or hungry. I have had a few dreemliss naps in the dojo. I sit to rest for a bit and slip away for a wile. I do not feel bettar tho. I hav bin doing nuthing but training. It taks my mind away and I like that.

I still feel veree far away frum peepul. Bjar and I had a talk but I still feel like he is far away. Rising up and flying away on me. He wants me to be like me agin. He wants things to be the same. Batween him and me they are the same, jus mebbe how we see them is diffrint. My skin duznt feel like mine no mor. I pray so hard to Balor and melchior to help me to fokiss. To help me be rite agin. I pray veree hard but I think I have fallin to far away to heer nuthing.

I am still trying to put all of my feelings bak togethur. it is hard. They are like a millin gazillin of my voisis all screeming at onss. They want to come out but I swallow them down so I do not turn into a monstar like evaryone else turns into. I do not want to be poisin like them. I want to be me. But I think... I think I am the biggist poisin of all becuz my venim lays hiddin down deep in me. It duz not wake up oftin. Like the snake that promissd not to bite the wolf who helpt it but bit it anaway.

I ramembar the storee I told Sehki and Hemo. I do not think they reelized that the monstar in the storee was me. mebbe if I see them agin I will tell the next part of the storee.

I do not ekspect to evar see no one agin no mor.

Peepul go away to much.

If I do not ekspect them to come bak, then they can not reelee go away.

Posted by Tzoli at August 26, 2005 11:35 AM