Tzoli's Red Leather Journal

23 - The End of Summer, Morday

Last nite I went to Bjar’s to try to talk to him. I wanted to tell him my dasisin about Morhion. He was not ther. But on the way to his house Aanson fownd me. Aanson seemd like he had a big stress on him. It was like he was running away frum sumone. I let him in to Bjars house and we had tee. I like tee. Me and him sat and talkt and drank tee. He sed ther was veree dastractid I think, but he ast me to make him feel bettar by … *this section is smudged out*

I told Aanson abot my mum and he sed that she sounded veree purty and good. I sed that she was. Then Morhion came to Bjars house looking fer him. I do not no why. I think Aanson and Morhion hate eech other. I feel all in the middal and weerd wen they talk to eech other. They say they are not fiting, but I no they are.

Aanson made Morhion leeve and Morhion did. Then I told Aanson the dasisin I made to aksept Morhion’s proposal. Aanson sed I shoud not. He sedd I woud be unhappy. He sed that Morhion was not a good persin but that Morhion did love me. That made me confused. Why woud a bad persin love me? Do bad peepul love other peepul? Aanson sed I shoud not hold on to Morhion or Bjar and I shoud be marreed to Balor becuz being marreed to Balor wuz bettar then unrakwitid love and bettar then Morhion. He sed mebbe ther was sumone else.

I tol him abot how Ylessa woud make Morhion bak to how he was so he coud marry me. Aanson sed that I shoud not unless Ylessa told me to marry him. I was just trying to make a smart dasisin with my hed instead of my hart. I was trying to be smart. Morhion is niss and will treet me good. He will be a tru and good husband to me. Ther is still the part of me that screems out “no no no”.

Leo sed it woud be good fer us to be tagethur and I think Lia did to but I do not ramembar. Sigfreed sed it woud be good alsah. But, sumthing in Aanson’s eyes… sumthin.

I do not no.

I tryd to sleep on it. But I can not sleep nun. So it spins arownd on my hed and in my hart and they do not agree and it hurts.

Posted by Tzoli at October 19, 2005 11:45 AM