Tzoli's Red Leather Journal

On the Shore of the River Leath

I have written the following to wrap up Tzoli's story because I felt there were things that still needed saying. A few things that will show everyone where she was coming from and how she felt at the end.

Also, I was one entry away from 250.

So, the following stories (there should be one more after this one) are "The End".

On the Shores of the River Leath

”….Don't lose yourself and you'll find happiness."

Losing her strength, her will, her soul was pulled back to the shores of the River Leath before she could finish her last line that now echoed around her now by the river.

“Remember… to smile and never lose hope. Keep Faith and Hope…”

She wondered idly if they heard it. She didn’t care anymore. She had said her last goodbyes to those she cared for and fulfilled all her promises as best she could.

She never saw Morhion turn back into a man. She never saw the people mourn for her. She never knew that she was missed.

Looking up to the sunless sky, she smiled and said her final prayer. She was calm, calmer than she had ever felt. “My purpose, I’ve lived my purpose and now I am ready to be judged. They’ll all be fine without me. I know it.” She looked to the seemingly endless river; the ethereal waters of the River that would lead her to Annwn. “That water… that is what I wish to be… those waters. So calm and serene. So peaceful, so strong, so constant. To be like water.”

“Morhiag… Balor… Gods, I am ready to be judged. I am ready for you to see me as I am. I have nothing more to hide, nothing more to do. I’ve lived my purpose.”

And so, she moved forward in her bitter-sweet peace. She thought of the moments of her life, each one pulling strongly on her heart. The heart that had always ruled her life was now pulling on her to continue forward to her final Fate. A fate which left her no fear, only resolve.

“Momma…”

She remembered as a child how she had played at her mother’s feet. Reading books together. She remembered how she didn’t struggle with it as she had later in life. The word on the page was natural. She laughed and smiled and was happy at her mother’s skirts. She remembered being cherish. “My little star, my little sun, you are so smart. You’re going to grow up to be stronger than your father. Balor surely has blessed us to give us such a perfect child.” The warmth of the woman spread had always spread over her like a blanket. A warm afghan that wrapped her up to gently and gave her strength on the coldest days. “My little star, Balor’s blessing is on you.”

“Momma… soon, soon we’ll be together again.”

“The fever has taken her mind and left her empty. You should just let her go. Do not save her as a shell.” The sagoma laid his wrinkled hand on the woman who stands over the bed. “She is not a shell. She is my daughter. I will not have her die in this way. She has a great Fate and I will not stand back and let her die.” The woman shoves the sagoma aside, showing remarkable strength as she tosses him like a bale of hay. “Little star… little star. My little Sun, you have to listen to me now, you have to listen and hear my words. You have to accept what I am going to do…”

The ritual. A distant memory long forgotten. She remembered now how her mother had saved her life. Inscribed the Runes of the Gods upon her and made her repeat the words.

“I accept… I… accept Balor, Morhiag on... me.”

She remembered the blinding pain of the fever and the delirium that had struck her down from the lofty height to which she had been born. She remembered the feeling of the slice of the knife on her back, the carving of the runes onto the dark skin. The inking of the scars. She remembered it all.

And she was thankful.

“She knew all along. She must have known for a long time.”

As she walked along the shore, she was reminded of the days after the ritual. How she had to work ten times as hard just to think. How she couldn’t grasp the simplest things anymore. How she struggled just to keep up with her daily chores and remember her tasks. She remembered how her mother worked with her every day, every night, every moment to keep her strong. She remembered the late nights when she struggled with the simplest of assignments from her posh school.

The images of her mother soon faded and she began to remember the others who had been in her life. Others who she would soon meet in Annwn.

“Ah Zo… yah tell the best stories. Yah realee oughtah give up tryin tah fight. Give up on tryin tah be like yer pa.” The boy with the milky eyes laid his head on his hands. Wheat surrounded them as they lay deep within the crops, hiding away from the chores. “I know, I know. Yah kinna give it up. One day we’ll have children yah know and yah’ll have tah give it up.” His hand reaches blindly for her and she takes it. “Only ahnuthur month ‘til we’re wed,” she says with a smile.

“I’m so happy,” they say in unison. They laugh, the wind whipping the wheat around them.

“We’ll name tha first boy aftar me. Nikolas Evan. An’ we’ll name the second boy after yah. Tzoli Kita. They’ grow up an’ be strong an’ clever. Annah lil’ girl, we’ll name her Dorra aftar my grams.” The boy sighs, brushing the tips of his fingers over the wheat he cannot see. “I’ll run thah farm an yah’ll be thah best mum in thah wholah Yarsin.”

“Well, I rekkin thah’s be awfal nice. Sah long as we kin name onnah em Jeri an onnah ‘em Silvia. An yah lemme teach ‘em Balor’s ways. Yah know I gotta do thah.” The boy smiles and nods. “Ah course. I’d ‘spect nuthin less frum thah Daughter ovah Gibor.”

“Zo… I am gunna make yah happy. Yer mah best friend. Mebbe we’ll evin learn tah love each other like all them Knights and Princessis yer always making storees about. Yah’ll be thah Knight an’ I’ll be thah princess. Yah’ll rescue me an’ we’ll be in love ferever and ever. Blessed by thah Gods themselves.”

“Oh Niko… we’ll be together again soon.”

“Tzoli, ye old romantic you.” The girl with the cross-hatch scars says, taking over this part of her walk down the River. “You know, I’m going to do something for you. I promised Elbahn and the rest of the Gods I would do something to give you pleasure. You’re my friend.” The girl sits on a cot in a small cloister, holding a cherry laden spoon. The pair laugh together scooping up another bite of the shared pie.

“Yah dun gotta do nuthin tah give me pleasure yah know. Yer back an I’ll pertect yah now.” The woman playfully punches her arm and smiles. “I know I don’t have to. I want to. I’m going to make you a dress. The finest dress of red silk cuz it's your favourite. One that will make even you look like a woman. One that will bring you your knight in shining armor.”

“Sil… I wonder if you’re in Annwn too. Did the Demons get you when you walked south?”

“Knight in shining armor? Well Tzoli, I’m not much of a knight.” A boy with curly red hair sits on the ground, legs crossed. “I love yer hair.” she says, changing the subject. She reaches out and touches the curly red mop. “Its mah fav’rit coler yah know. Bright an shiny red. I love it.” He smiles at her and picks up his knife, cutting off a lock, his cheek darkening to the colour of his hair. “Then it’s a gift to you.” The scarred hand clutches the lock tightly. “Thah’s thah best gift evar.”

“Tzoli… you know, we should get married. You and me. I’ll give you a child like you want.” he leans forward and kisses her softly. His cold lips leaving desire where they touched as he pulls away. “I’d like to give you a child. Something that is us. I don’t know how long I’ll be around to be its father, but I know you’ll be the best mother and care for it without me.”

“Rylian… I wonder if You’re with your Dark Queen now too. Did you meet Niko in Annwn? I wonder if you two are fighting over me now like…”

“For Tzoli they fought a duel, the Monster and the Reeve….”

Whispers course through the streets, “Did you hear who was fighting? Did you hear who they were fighting over?” The words drift past the ears, caught on the air of rumors. “Can you believe it? That hammer wielding dryth. They were fighting for her.”

“Tzoli, we fought the other day. Morhion and I. I won…” “Tzoli the gods blessed me in the fight. And then this… My dearest, I’ll become a man for you.”

“I wonder if he will ever become a man. I’m sure of it. He doesn’t need me for that. Not at all. Ylessa will bless him. So sweet. I’m sure when he’s a man again, he’ll find someone new and better than me.”

The river grow more still, the slow, rhythmic waves of molten lead. Watching the water she thought of another, Bjar. She smiles to herself as she paused in her quest to the city. “He came back from the city. After he saw Her. Didn’t humble him at all. But, that is who he was, full of himself to the bitter end. That’s something I loved about him.”

“Tzol, I want to take your sins away for you. I’ll take them onto myself.” They sit over a table, eating stew and rabbit. “Yah know I kina let yah do thah in thah same way yah wou’nt let me do thah same thing fer yah. There’sah resin I ain’t nevar evin asked.” He shrugs and smiles slightly. “I figured you’d say no.”

“I hadtah. But I rekkin we kin lean on each other an’ hold each other up. I got strong shoulder yah know. I kin carry lotsah stuff.” He smiles, looking tired. “Yes, yes you can my sister. Now, go and win that tournament for me.”

The girl on the shore laughs slightly. “It doesn’t hurt anymore to be called Sister.” She laughter turns louder, brighter and jovial. She looks up to the sky in a mirthful prayer. “Ah Melchior… watch over him. He’ll need someone to lean on and You’re the only one he’s really got now.”

She turns from the river and continues on her way. The sky seems ethereal around her. “I am ready to be taken… I wonder how much longer to the city. To be judged.”

Pain in the head, an arm around her shoulder; warm and comforting. A gentle embrace. "We are friends. We both ask and give the same thing. And that is why there is peace." Time passes and the lips draw near, but do not touch, pulled away by fear.

“Yes, there is peace. I’m glad I protected you Aanson. You’ll be able to do so much more than me in the World. I don’t blame you at all. I knew… I knew from the moment you pulled me out of the cell that I wasn’t going to be going back. I knew. I should have told you, but you wouldn’t have let me go.”

She stops on the shore and stares outward. “I knew…” she murmurs aloud, her voice haunting and breathy.

“Yes… yes. Now I am ready to be judged.”

Posted by Tzoli at October 31, 2005 12:09 PM